Date women from United States / Alabama / Hollywood, 39 year old

Date someone special from Hollywood, United States. I am Brazilian and Puerto Rican. I love to laugh and make jokes I tend to be sarcastic but in a non offensive way. I am laid back, I will not participate in a yelling match of any kind. Yelling is counter-productive. I prefer someone who knows how to talk instead of argue. I love the outdoors. Hate the cold. Recently moved from NY to LA. I love animals. Hate insects. I love movies of all genres except maybe war and western. I am a dancer that is trained in many styles therefore, I love music of all genres. If I can dance to it, I like it! But, I'm not a fan of hard-core rap, death metal or twangy country. Althought I can appreciate those genres, you won't find them on my playlist.
What I look for in a man....
Warning....I might be described as picky but really, I just know what I like and what I don't. Please don't take it personal if I'm not interested...If you do...you probably aren't the right guy for me anyway.

Meet a soulmate from Hollywood, United States. When I'm uncomfortable, I make bad jokes. Then I back out of the room very, very slowly.
I went to Berkeley so nothing shocks me. I almost became a doctor, then almost became a lawyer. I love music--Van Halen to Sarah Vaughn, Timo Maas to Tito Puente, Georges Bizet to George Benson (I find smooth jazz soothing when stressed). I'm never rude to the waiter and always leave 20%, unless of course, the service sucks. I'm assertive but have a hard time taking compliments. I give to the HSUS every month. I'm a night person. I jump fences. Halloween is my favorite holiday. I'm a total foodie and will travel long distances for dishes I can't pronounce. I'm not a super girly-girl: I can actually drive, I like Howard Stern, and I tend to pepper my speech with colorful "sentence-enhancers". Then again, I've been told I smell nice, I practice yoga, and I hate breaking a nail.
*** Okay, soooo, at the suggestion of a friend who suggests I stop “hiding behind sarcasm”, I give you the following honesty for, as she puts it, “my own good” ***
I’m both smart and intuitive. And I don’t just mean "won a statewide math contest when I was 12" smart. I mean “once had someone ask if I could read minds" smart. It’s both a blessing and a curse. At the same time, I’m capable of some of the dumbest crap you’ve ever seen. Just ask my mom.
No matter how right I eat or how much I exercise (both of which I do regularly), IРІР‚в„ўll never be the rockhard LA bikini body that, in my younger days, I wished I could be. That being said, I'm plenty thin (which you're welcome to view in my pics) and in the best shape I've ever been -- welcome to the gun show.
IРІР‚в„ўm an old soul. So much so that I have a way of seeing all sides of a situation so clearly that it gets me into trouble when IРІР‚в„ўm asked to take one. (Yes, including ones that involve me.) Okay, yeah, so that's just a frilly way of saying tolerance, understanding and open communication are a huge part of my relationships. I'm also a pitbull when it comes to defending the people and things I love.
An ex once told me what drew him to me was that I "come from a place of joy". I've never been more flattered. It was a shame he turned out to be married.
As for you? Well, nothing gets me hot like a guy who uses the word "funny" in a profile that reads like installation instructions for laminate flooring. Even hotter if he's spelled it "funy." I kid, I kid. Let's see... if you think the Sunset Strip is a great place to "meet people", we're probably not gonna get along. If you'd rather head to Fox Hounds for a pint of Newcastle, we probably would. If The Situation ranks among your idols, we won't. If you have any idea where Latvia is, we will. Overwhelming urge to punch the guy that bumped into you? Nope! Helping him up and being so nice he buys us drinks in thanks? Priceless.
All kidding aside, my life has finally hit a point where things are truly golden and I'd love to share it with someone. Hopefully someone communicative, emotionally available, outgoing, intelligent, confident, open-minded, who likes '80s comedies and is a bit "crazy in a good way". So if you live to eat, grew up on John Hughes, and know your way around a toolbox, then I have this friend I want to introduce you to. Juuuuust kidding. Oh, and you can't be allergic to cats. Or drink wine coolers.
One last serious note...I'm looking to actively get to know someone with the hope of finding a real connection. That DOES NOT equate rushing into anything. I just believe cultivating an organic friendship takes more than vague emails and bi-weekly texts and it doesn't mean 'I love you's after the second date. PLEEEEEASE, if you aren't on the same page, don't waste my time. I beg of you. That is all.

Date a woman from Hollywood, United States. I don't tell most people but secretly I'm a big nerd. I'm okay with that...it's just not something I generally advertise. I'm extremely clumsy. My favorite number is 5. I am overflowing with worthless trivia. I am most comfortable in jeans and a T-shirt. I have recently recovered from a pretty gnarly shoe habit. I change my hair color every few months...I have no idea what my natural hair color might be anymore. Perfume gives me a headache. I like jalapeno flavored chips even though I know they're bad for me. I am a good speller. I have contacts but I like to wear my glasses. I have 12 tattoos and love all of them but one. My favorite color is pink. I am a terrible driver...ride with me at your own risk (and don't say I didn't warn you). I am a good cook, although I very rarely get the chance to show it. I always wear a watch. I sometimes wish I was taller. I love Red Bull. I make goofy faces when I talk. I listen to really, really loud music when I am in the car alone. I get up at the crack of dawn to watch English League Football. I don't care for robots - they kinda freak me out. I don't make promises I can't keep. I laugh at inappropriate times. I travel a lot. I own more stuff than any one person would ever need. I live alone - some days that is okay and at other times it sucks. I like to take things apart but am hopeless at putting them back together. I'm a terrible dancer but that's never stopped me from doing it. I know how to take a compliment, and am very good about giving them.
At this point I probably should mention that my best friend (and hetero lifemate) is sitting next to me telling me that I am being too goofy and not taking this seriously. She's crazy but I love her (we are kind of a package deal).
I suppose this is where I am supposed to describe the person I'm looking for. Honestly, I'm looking for someone who laughs more than they complain. Someone who will call me on my BS. Someone who challenges me. Someone who will protect me from the zombies (not that I can't take care of myself but it would be nice to know that someone has my back). In all seriousness, I'm just looking for someone who will bring out the best in me and who I can do the same for. That's all really.
Oh, and bonus points if you can tell me where my headline comes from....